A SYNTHESIS OF THE PASSOVER RITUAL AND LITURGY
WITH THE TWELVE STEPS OF RECOVERY

By Reb Hershy W.  

11 MA NISHTANA - The Four Questions

Of people in recovery, others sometimes inquire. Why can't you just leave your past behind you? Make a clean break, don't dwell in the past: rehashing it again and again. You've stopped your habit, pulled yourself together. You're clean now, sober and respectable. Why go back and sit in a room full of people like yourself, people who may still be doing the crazy things you no longer do. Who are still the sick person you used to be, talking it over and over and over? Is it healthy to live in the horror story? Look to the future. Don't talk about the past as though you had some kind of disease. You glorify the program and call it Recovery, treating it like a Dialysis machine or Iron Lung without which you could not live. Why can't you be like a normal person?

The youngest person sitting at the table is usually the first to ask the "four questions". The youngest is usually the newcomer, and these questions are natural to the newcomer.
 

1. Why is our disease so all-encompassing, so all-excluding?
 
Other people have their hobbies, recreations, pleasures, how come we can't enjoy these things like they do? Why did we have only "THE BREAD OF OUR AFFLICTION"? The symbol we use for the object of our obsession is the unleavened bread - Matzo. Our world had shrunk very small.
 
2. How come there was no pleasure left in what we were doing?
 
No amount of "acting out" could rid us of our real feelings. Everything we did to relieve the pain merely substituted or increased it. The symbol we use for the bitterness and pain is "MAROR" (bitter herbs).

There are two more questions commonly asked by the newcomer. They refer to the process of recovery.
 

3. Why do we treat ourselves so well in Recovery? Why don't we just get on with life? Why pay so much attention the way we feel? Whence the slogan EASY DOES IT? Surely a little more discipline, more will-power, a tougher daily regimen, all would work more efficiently than this gentle touch with which we treat ourselves?
 
The relaxed attitude we adopt is symbolized by the "CONDIMENTS" (dipping food into food.)
 
4. Why do we take Recovery so slowly? Surely we ought to be rushing to get well? We need fixing now!
 
The pace at which we expect changes to occur, is symbolized by the "LEANING". Sprawling and reclining as though we were "in our cups". Why does all this take so long? 

AVADIM HAYINU  WE WERE SLAVES

   The Answer is simple and we keep it simple.

1. We weren't just overdoing things a little, we were slaves! And we were powerless. It took the power of the Omnipotent Almighty to extract us from there. Which he did with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. So severely were we addicted to our own slavery and shame that if Hashem had not taken our forbearers out of Egypt then we would still be hopelessly enmeshed in that sickness and slavery. We, ourselves and our children would be without Recovery. And such is the nature of this disease that we must constantly treat it by talking about it. It doesn't matter whether we are clever, intuitive, experienced or whether we know the whole program backwards, whether we can recite the Big Book by heart. We are still commanded to share with others our Recovery. And the more meetings we attend the more praiseworthy we will be.

2. The metaphor of the strong hand and the outstretched arm refers to the substance or activity to which we were addicted. The strong hand as explained later at greater length, is the cessation of using or acting out our addiction. This is the first and most difficult step to take.

3. The outstretched arm refers to the gradual separation and the distance we put between ourselves and the paraphernalia of addiction. The putting away of people, places, and things.

MAASEH - A STORY

The five Rabbis mentioned in this story were all in Recovery.

Rabbi Eliezer was wont to say,
 

"Live and let live," Don't be too quick to anger," "Stay sober today before you die" and "Bask in the glow of the wise but beware lest you get too close and burn yourself".
 
He, of course, had trouble in all these aspects of his personality. He argued with his friends, tried to impress his will upon them, stubbornly refused to accept the majority ruling, rationalized his disrespect of them and ended up excommunicated by them, totally isolated.

Rabbi Yehoshua was wont to say,
 

"Self-will run riot,the tendency to misanthropy, isolation and depression will kill a person".
 
He knew whereof he spoke.

Rabbi Elazar ben Azaria was wont to say,
 

"One who talks the talk without walking the walk is like a big tree with lots of leaves but no roots. The first strong wind to blow will uproot it and throw it on it's face. He who walks the walk more than he talks the talk is like a tree with few leaves but lots of roots. All the ill winds in the universe won't move it from it's place. (But it doesn't provide much shade.)"
 
Rabbi Akiva was a recovering Jew hater. Up to the age of 40 his anger at religious Jews was murderous and fanatical. It was the unconditional love of his friend, later his wife Rachel, which restored him to sanity, and the patience of his gentle teacher Nachum Ish-Gamzu which turned this bellicose, belligerent ignoramus into an intellectual giant. He retained his tendency to militancy all his life, allowed his vision to be clouded by his desires, made political blunders, 24,000 of his disciples died of 'disrespect', and he was arrested, imprisoned and martyred by the Romans.

Rabbi Tarphon was an obsessive compulsive with a tendency to get bogged down in detail and minutiae. Once at night on a dangerous stretch of road frequented by footpads and cutthroats, he lay on the ground in order to recite the Sh'ma according to the ruling of Shammai. Boasting of the danger he had braved, his friends told him he needed help. They warned him that what he was doing was not religious but compulsive and if he died he wouldn't be a martyr, just another O.D. [overdose]. He was wont to say, "You aren't responsible for the results but you must put in the foot work. You don't even have to finish what you're doing, just don't stop".

These then are the Rabbis who sat all night talking about the EXODUS and their own Recovery. Careful examination of the text reveals a superfluous word.

Instead of saying "all that night" it could have read "all night" the Hebrew word for 'that' means Him, each spoke for himself, and so they passed the whole night away until their disciples came and said, "Surely, Rabbis, by now you're all cured? Enough already".

REB ELAZAR BEN AZARIA

Rabbi Elazar said, "I am like seventy years old". Various reasons are proposed to explain the way he looked. He was after all only 16 or 18 years old at the time he is quoted in this Mishna. Rambam (Maimonedes) suggests Reb Elazar destroyed his physical health with compulsive study of the Torah. Grueling stretches of non-stop study, indifferent nutrition, appalling conditions, insufficient rest and recreation...all of which accelerated the aging process.

Others claim it was a miracle! When he was appointed to head the Academy at this early age, he was granted instant distinction as all his hair turned white overnight.

Or perhaps it was simply his response to being loaded with heavy responsibilities at such a young age. Whatever the reason, Reb Elazar said, "Even though I look the way I do I couldn't convince the sages that talking about the Recovery from Egypt is mandatory at night as well as during the day. When Ben Zoma introduced his exegesis of the verse, etc.".

We of course avoid projecting our legislation onto post-Messianic era. We take one day at a time, one night at a time and so the ruling has been accepted. We say the Sh'ma at night, according to Ben Zoma.

BORUCH HAMAKOM

In this paragraph we bless and thank Hashem, but we refer to Him as "HAMAKOM" i.e. "The PLACE". Hashem is the Lord of People, Places and Things.
 
First, we bless Him for being there when we need Him and giving us somewhere else to be instead of that place Egypt.

Second, we bless Him for being Hashem and giving us Himself instead of those people and gods of the Egyptians.

Third, we bless Him for giving us what we need to replace all the destructive addictive things in our lives, we thank Him for giving us the Torah, our program to live by on a daily basis. And then again, we thank Him for being Him.

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